Miseries of women suffering from mental illnesses

 “Why do you make these regular visits? Is it because you like me? Do you really want to have an intimate relationship with me? Please lock the door before we make love. If others see us while being intimate, they will punish us. Be quick and don’t worry about my feelings. If you want me to say I love you, okay, I am ready to do that. I love you.”

Well, this is not a piece of fiction.

Health Foundation Nepal, a nonprofit organization, is running integrated mental health care and psychiatric rehabilitation center in collaboration with Movement for Inspiration Nepal (MOFIN) to provide mental health services to poor and homeless patients. As a medical in-charge of the center, I got a call from the watchman that Akshara (name changed) needed to be evaluated. She was exhibiting some strange behavior despite taking antipsychotic medication. It was already late that day, but I could not stand doing anything, so I went to the rehabilitation center as soon as I could. She has had a mental illness for almost two decades.

Tale of woe

Akshara was happily married, but her marriage did not last long. All the misfortune happened to her, said her mother, stating that she had undergone three miscarriages. The watchman came near me, whispering in my ear: “Did you know doctor? Her family even once attempted to get rid of her by sending her to India on a bus so that she would not be able to return on her own to home.” That sentence was particularly difficult for me to hear. Akshara had to face so many challenges that were much for her age.

Akshara entered my room. She was shy. I asked her to take a seat, she carefully dragged the chair closer to me, and with a smiling face and flushed cheeks, she asked me if she could sit.

Akshara wants to get married again, or it can be said she wanted to be in an intimate relationship. I was aware of the fact that people with psychosis are usually confronted with issues such as hyper-sexuality and unsafe sexual behavior. If people around such patients remain unaware of this pathological condition, the patient may have to pay a huge price for possessing it. Akshara developed hyper-sexuality when she was still a teenager. Her intensely flirty behavior left a negative impression on her elder brothers, who were unaware of her disease condition. They arranged her marriage when she was still a teenager. I felt bad for her—a young girl who could not even take care of herself had to take care of her entire in-laws’ family. It was difficult for me to comprehend the struggles she had to endure throughout that traumatic time.

Akshara’s flirtatious conduct persisted even after her marriage, putting her marriage in trouble. Meanwhile, she went through three subsequent miscarriages, which acted as the last nail in the coffin, and her marriage to her husband came to an end. She returned to her parent’s house with an empty hand after her divorce. However, her mistreatment escalates to the point where family members are looking for ways to get rid of her. Being mentally ill doesn’t preclude you from the feeling of love and warmth of someone, but Akshara was precluded. Akshara feels the same way, but her desperation puts her in danger of being abused and harassed. 

Ruchi (name changed), after suffering from severe depression with psychosis, had become a victim of domestic violence. Every night, her husband would come home after heavy drinking and beat her. But she kept silent. How could she resist him? The person who she loved the most in the world had started turning on her and begun to hate her. Her disease had made her lose confidence and live in excessive guilt. After such misconduct from her husband, she was evicted from her own home, the home she has been decorating with the memories she had since she got married. Following the event, she was transported to our rehabilitation center, where she has been getting treatment for months now. Since that day, she has not seen her daughter’s face. The drugs we gave could only soothe her pain but not the grief she was experiencing after being separated from her little angels and the home she thought was her own. Every time I met her, she would ask me with tears in her eyes: “Do I ever get a chance to meet with my two little daughters?” And I did not have the answer to her question.

Suffering in silence

Sundhara (name changed) does not have a warm relation with her family members because of her socially unacceptable behavior most probably caused by a degenerative disease of her brain. She exhibits symptoms related to frontotemporal dementia, a neurodegenerative disease that presents with neurological and psychiatric manifestations. She argues with family members and neighbors repeatedly, uses obscene phrases, begs for money in the streets, and spends nights in open public places like Chautari and temples. Unfortunately, her husband and sons blame her for doing these things purposely to ruin the family’s pride. It was their neighbor who suspected her of having a possible psychiatric problem, and then her son brought her to the center.  When I told them about the chronic and incurable nature of her most probable diagnosis they reluctantly expressed their wish not to spend money on such an incurable disease and refused to take her to a higher center. For the families who strive just to have two meals a day, such excuses are understandable. I wonder how she has been fighting with her disease, familial neglect, and social stigma simultaneously.

Above mentioned examples show how mentally ill women are suffering. Usually, people suffering from mental illness are at risk, and if relatives of patients themselves become hostile towards patients, the risk of being abused and maltreated increases significantly. One research conducted in India in 2008 has shown that among women with mental illness, who participated in the qualitative interview, 34 percent reported sexual coercive experiences. Mentally ill women with symptoms of hypersexuality similar to that of Akshara are at the highest risk of sexual exploitation.

People with severe depression have low confidence levels and excessive guilt. In this scenario, they cannot raise their voice against violence happening with them. Most of the symptoms of mentally ill people put them at a higher risk of being abused, harassed, and exploited sexually. Additionally, our social structure is not favorable toward women. Women with mental illness, therefore, are more vulnerable.

Another high-risk group for abuse and sexual exploitation includes girls with intellectual disabilities. We are all aware that a few years ago an intellectually disabled girl was abducted and was raped multiple times by several assailants at Kathmandu. Even after being raped, she told her guardians about the incidents only after a couple of days.

In a country like ours, political turmoil never allows concerned bodies to concentrate on these issues. Therefore, unfortunately, several innocent souls have to suffer from undeserving abuse and exploitation every day. Although every person with mental illness is at risk of maltreatment and neglect in a country like ours where mental illnesses are severely stigmatized, women are especially at greater risk because of the patriarchal social structure. Therefore, enhanced safeguards are necessary to prevent abuse, maltreatment, neglect, and sexual exploitation of girls and women with mental illnesses. A study done by Joan A Reid has revealed a disproportionately increased risk of exploitation of intellectually disabled girls in juvenile sex trafficking.

The intellectually disabled girls usually lack awareness of exploitation and its endangerments. Their inability to self-identify, and the relative ease with which traffickers manipulate these girls put them at enormous risk of being abused and sold.  A delay of every second provides a golden opportunity for an assailant to abuse the victim and several innocent souls will be harassed just like that. 

[Published on Nepal Live Today: - https://www.nepallivetoday.com/2021/07/29/miseries-of-women-suffering-from-mental-illnesses/ ]

The art of healing through 'words'

 Govinda, a 35-year-old male with PCR positive COVID-19 contacted us on the tenth day of his illness due to continuous high fever. His head was burning with 102 degrees Fahrenheit temperature, his throat was hoarse due to a persistent cough. He could not sleep at night due to severe shortness of breath. Getting up to go to the bathroom was an ordeal due to generalized body ache and weakness. He had lost his sense of smell and taste; his appetite was poor and he was hardly able to eat a mouthful of rice. In addition to his physical illness, he was very stressed and anxious which made his condition even worse. When he called me, he was severely ill and in very poor shape, so I wanted to transfer him to a hospital immediately.

The whole nation was gripped with crisis, the situation in Dang was horrible due to a severe scarcity of beds and oxygen in hospitals. Govinda was not able to get a hospital bed and was left alone at home to suffer. Earlier, once he was diagnosed with COVID, he had gone to a local pharmacy and was given loads of medicines, some of which were of doubtful benefit. After reviewing his case, I explained to him the natural course of COVID-19 along with its treatment. I counseled him on home isolation techniques, sleeping positions, and breathing techniques. He was a known case of hypothyroidism and was taking thyroid supplements daily which he had stopped taking after he got sick with COVID. This put him at an increased risk so I asked him to resume the hormonal supplement and discontinue the inappropriate medications. He managed to borrow a pulse oximeter from his neighbor and his saturation was found to be very low, only 85% on room air. Therefore, I advised his wife to arrange for home oxygen immediately. 

Oxygen was short in supply. Along with him, his elder brother and sister who lived nearby were also affected by the disease and needed home oxygen. Oxygen cylinders, which they were able to manage with much difficulty, were barely adequate. As oxygen supply ran out quickly and it was difficult to fill the tanks, they were forced to use a minimum amount of oxygen to keep the oxygen supply last longer.

Although Govinda was started on treatment with oxygen and steroids, he was continuously having shortness of breath and was unable to get out of the bed without help. With 2-3 liters of supplemental oxygen via nasal cannula, his saturation reached up to 91%, but without oxygen support, it dropped to the 80s. Meanwhile, a salbutamol inhaler, which is supposed to help in opening up airways, did not provide much relief to his shortness of breath.

Due to his worsening clinical condition, I wanted to run a couple of investigations on him. Going out for any type of test was very difficult. Finally, with some help, he was able to get a chest X-ray done on the seventh day which showed severe bilateral pneumonia. With this severe disease, his chance of getting better at home was slim.

 

Fortunately, on the fourteenth day of illness, his family was able to manage a bed in a hospital about 150 km away from his hometown and was transferred there. In the hospital, he got a CT scan which revealed severe lung damage. His liver was affected as well and liver enzymes were elevated. Along with continuous oxygen supplementation, he received intravenous antibiotics, steroids, and anticoagulant therapy. Slowly, he recovered, and finally, he was discharged from the hospital after a week. Although physically weak, his spirit was high after he won the battle.

B.1.617 variant of SARS CoV-2, which is also known as the Indian variant, caused the second wave of infection in India and its neighboring country Nepal. This mutant virus which was first detected in India in December 2020, spread rapidly and widely to become the dominant variant. In Nepal, during the last peak of the second wave in April and May, there was a huge surge of newly diagnosed COVID cases. On April 5, 2021, the daily census of new cases was just 266 which increased dramatically to 8606 on May 5, 2021. Nepal was not well prepared to handle the second wave and hence with a rapid rise in cases, the healthcare system was fully paralyzed. Unavailability of hospital beds, medical equipment, and adequate oxygen supply to the hospital claimed many lives during the early phase of the second wave of COVID-19.

Due to rapidly increasing cases of COVID-19, thousands of patients with mild to moderate symptoms were not able to get beds in hospitals and had to stay at home in isolation during their illness. They were not only deprived of hospital care but also could not even see a physician, get prescriptions for medicines, and even accurate information about the illness and treatment measures. To provide care to those patients and reduce pressure on hospitals, a team of physicians at Health Foundation Nepal, a non-profit organization working in Dang, started telemedicine service.

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Telemedicine team coordinated with local governments to identify newly positive COVID cases and called them through the telephone. At first, some expressed disbelief as physicians had never reached them in the past asking about their health. But, slowly they agreed to virtual physician visits and thanked us for reaching out to them during difficult times. After interviewing patients, based on WHO severity guidelines, we triaged them and provided appropriate counseling, treatment, and support. People who needed follow up were enrolled in our care and monitored daily. We also sent prescriptions for medications and provided resources for the family to arrange for medical equipment and oxygen at home. Our team was available 24/7 which helped to reduce their anxiety and fear of being left out and alone. We also provided psychological support and counseling to people who had mental health problems due to the illness.  

Providing hospital care at home was a new approach for Nepal. Before the pandemic, patients had to come to health centers to visit healthcare providers for service. Telemedicine was neither well developed nor widely used. However, during the pandemic, we were not knocking people on their doors but reaching out to them through the phone asking about their health and illnesses. As we approached them virtually, they did not have to open their front doors for us, but they welcomed us with their open hearts.

There were indeed numerous obstacles while providing service through telehealth. We reached out to people in rural areas through the phone and often used internet platforms to exchange information.  Unfortunately, many people in remote locations did not have access to the internet and had only a little knowledge of its usage, thus, it was challenging to share pictures and prescriptions. However, we always found helping hands - some family or friends would come for rescue. Grandchildren would help their grandparents to connect with us. With technology solutions, we were able to provide our service effectively and safely while maintaining a safe distance.

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In medical school, professors used to tell us - the soothing voice of a physician acts as medicine for a patient. I realized that this was even more important while providing care through telemedicine for patients with COVID who had very few treatment options. Because we provided our service via virtual platforms, it was quite difficult to establish a strong physician-patient relationship, thus, I needed more time and patience. Regardless, I was able to create a strong bond with my patients and their families who were very thankful for the service. This whole experience will always be very memorable and uplifting for me.

[Originally published on Health Foundation Nepal's blog. Link: - https://www.healthfoundationnepal.org/blog/the-art-of-healing-through-words-dr-hari-neupane ]

एक बाहुनको आत्मालोचना

म जातले एक बाहुन हुँ। र, सानैदेखि यसको अगाडि उपाध्याय पनि थप्नु पर्छ भनेर मलाई सिकाइएको थियो। अघिल्लो जन्ममा धेरै पुण्य कमाएकाले यस जुनीमा बाहुन भएर जन्मेको कुरामा मलाई गर्व गर्न सिकाएसँगै मैले आफूभन्दा कथित तल्लो जातलाई पापी मान्न सुरु गरेको थिएँ।

समाजले मेरो सोचलाई मलजल गर्‍यो र झन जब्बर बनायो। जुन कुरा बाल्यकालमा सिकिन्छ, त्यो कुराले सोचाइमा यति बिघ्न कब्जा जमाउँछ कि छुपाउने लाख कोसिसका बाबजुद त्यो हरबखत देखा पर्छ। र, यही सोचाइ छताछुल्ल पार्न यो आत्मालोचना लेखिएको हो। यो आत्मालोचना कथित माथिल्लो जात बाहुनमा हुन अत्यावश्यक छ।

मलाई केही समय पहिलेसम्म लाग्ने गर्थ्यो, म जातीय विभेदको विरुद्ध छु। मलाई लाग्थ्यो कि बाल्यकालमा अन्जानमै सिकिएका तमाम जातीय विभेदका लवजहरुलाई मेरो मस्तिष्कका अध्यारा कुनामा मुर्दा बनाई गाडिसकेको छु। चरित्रको ऐनामा आफ्नो स्वघोषित विद्रोही स्वोरुपको प्रतिबिम्व देखेर म आफैं दङ्ग पर्थें।आफू जातीय विभेदको खिलाफमा छु भनेर प्रमाणित गर्न मसँग सामाजिक सञ्जालमा लेखिएका तमाम स्ट्याटसहरु थिए। र, सबैभन्दा ठूलो कुरो त मेरो आफ्नो अभिनयले कसैलाई थोरै शंकासम्म गर्ने ठाउँ छोडेको थिएन। 

अबका एकाध वर्षमा मैले जिन्दगीको तेस्रो दशक पार गर्ने छु र मलाई यो नसिब बाहुन भएकैले प्राप्त भएको भन्ने लाग्न थालेको छ। नत्र त यो जलस्रोतको धनी देशमा हजारौं नदीहरु कलिला दलितका लास बगाउन सधैं आतुर देखिन्छन्। दलित नभएकै कारण जिन्दगीका हजारौं चाहनाहरुलाई अल्पायुमै तिलान्जली सायद मैले दिनु नपर्ला। तर भेरीमा बगेका अधुरा सपनाका सरापको सजाय कसले बोक्ने? नवजात कोपिलाहरु नफक्रिँदै चुडालिनुमा दोष कसको? यी प्रश्नले मलाई पटकपटक घोच्न थालेका छन्।

मलाई उत्तर थाहा नभएको होइन, तर आफ्नो ढोङ्गी विद्रोही चरित्रलाई उदाङ्गो बनाइदिने ती उत्तरहरु सहर्ष स्वीकार गर्नु आफ्नो अटल दम्भमाथि प्रहार गर्नु थियो। ती उत्तरहरु पचाउन बहुत कठिन छ, किनकी तिनले मेरो स्वघोषित जातीय विभेद विरुद्धको बिम्वलाई उपहास गर्थे।

पश्चिम रुकुमको नरसंहार म जस्ता ढोङ्गी विद्रोहीको कुशल अभिनयको परिणाम हो, जसले लवजमा जातीय विभेद विरुद्धका नारा झुन्ड्याए पनि मस्तिष्कमा त्यही विभेदलाई बिना संकोच हुर्काएको हुन्छ। हाम्रा लवजका शब्दहरुमा जातीय विभेद विरुद्धका नाराहरु गुन्जिए पनि भावमा त्यही विभेदको समर्थन छचल्किरहेको हुन्छ। हामी सरल वाक्यमा प्रकट गर्न सकिने विरोधमा पनि किन्तु-परन्तु जोडेर यति जटिल बनाउँछौ कि जातीय विभेद कायम रहोस भन्ने आफ्नो चाहना सुटुक्क घुसाइदिन्छौ। हत्या जस्तो जघन्य अपराधमा पनि तर्क प्रस्तुत गर्छौं। र, सँगसँगै आफूलाई विभेद विरुद्धको नायकका रुपमा चित्रित गर्न पछि पर्दैनौं। हाम्रो दम्भले हामीलाई सत्य स्वीकार गर्नबाट रोक्ला तर हाम्रो अस्लिल अभिनय र द्वैध चरित्रकै कारण भर्खरै भेरीले आधा दर्जन सपनाहरूलाई अधुरै बगाइदिएको छ।

पुराना भइसकेका स्मृतिका पानाहरुलाई गिजोलेर हेर्दा आफूलाई नै धिक्कार्नु पर्ने तमाम क्षणहरु मेरा अगाडि नाचिरहेका छन्।

एक पटक हामी पाँच जना साथी मिलेर ढोरपाटन घुम्न गएका थियौं। जाडो महिना भएकाले अधिकांश होटेल बन्द भएका थिए। बुर्तिवाङबाट करिब दस घण्टा पैदल हिँडेर ढोरपाटन पुग्दा कतै खान-बस्नकै समस्या त हुने होइन भन्ने डरले मनमा कब्जा जमाएको थियो। साझको सूर्य किरणमा चम्केको पाटनको हिउँ विस्तारै हामी जस्तै मलिन हुन थालेको थियो। घाम डाँडाका पछाडि लुकिसक्दा पनि हाम्रो बासको व्यवस्था हुन सकेको थिएन।

पाटनको बीच भागमा भौँतारिदै, मुटु नै जमाइदिने उत्तर गंगाका हाँगाहरु तर्दै र भगवान प्रार्थन गर्दै आफूले बोकेको टर्च लाइट चारैतिर फर्काएर बाल्थ्यौं, ताकि परबाट कसैले देखे हामीलाई सहयोग गर्न आउन्। र, दु:खमा परेकाहरूलाई सहयोग गर्न भगवान कहिले हिच्किचाएका थिए र?

हामीलाई पर डाँडाको कुनाबाट एउटा टर्च लाइटले सम्पर्क गर्‍यो। भक्कानो छोडेर रुन मात्र बाँकी रहेको मनबाट सहयोगका याचनाको वर्षात भयो। उक्त होटलबाट स्याँस्याँ गर्दै एक भाइ हामीलाई लिन आयो।

"बहुत अबेर भयो त, बाटो भुल्नु भयो कि?" हामीलाई राहत दिँदै ऊ मुस्कुरायो। होटेलमा लगेर आगो बाली ताप्ने व्यवस्था मिलाएपछि ऊ खाना बनाउने तरखरमा लाग्यो। 

आगो ताप्तै गर्दा हाम्रो आँखा होटेलको साइनबोर्डमा पर्‍यो, जहाँ होटेल मालिकको थर विक लेखिएको थियो। हामीले एक अर्कालाई हेर्‍यौं, सबैको नजरमा बेचैनी थियो। हामी सबै चाहन्थ्यौं कि अरु कसैले यहाँ नबस्ने निर्णय गरोस् ताकी जातीय विभेद मान्दिनँ भन्ने आफ्नो अडान कायमै रहोस। होटेल नभेट्टिए के होला भन्ने अघिसम्मको डर ताप्दै गरेको आगोमा हामीले पोलिसकेका थियौँ। आफ्नो असली चरित्र उजागर होलाकी भनेर हामीमध्ये कसैले केही बोलेन र एक पटक फेरि जातीय विभेद विरुद्ध ढोङ्गी हिरो बन्ने मौका पायौँ।

गाँस र बासको व्यवस्था गरिदिएर ज्यान जोगाइदिएको गुनलाई फर्किदा उत्तरगंगामै बगाइदियौँ र त्यो एक रातको बासलाई उदाहरण बनाएर आफू जातीय विभेदको विरुद्धमा रहेको प्रमाण प्रस्तुत गरिरह्यौं। यो हामी अधिकांश बाहुनको चरित्र हो। समाजकै उच्च जातको भनी पाएको हैसियतले हामीलाई पूरै अन्धो बनाएको छ र हामी अन्धाहरु आफ्नै गल्ती र कमजोरीहरुलाई नजरअन्दाज गरिरहेका छौं। त्यसको ब्याज कलिला दलित जिन्दगीले हरेक दिन तिरिराख्नु परेको छ।

तराईमा हुर्केको म छालाको रङका हिसाबले कालो छु। तर यही छालाको रङका कारण विगतमा नेपाल यातायातमा यात्रा गर्दा कसैले "ओए मधेसी, सिट छोड" भन्दा  "म मधेसी होइन, बाहुन हुँ" भन्दै सिट छोड्न इन्कार गरेको दृश्य झलझली याद आउँछ। आफू मधेसी नभएकाले उसलाई हेप्ने अधिकार नभएको मेरो तर्कमा जातीय विभेदको समर्थनको दुर्गन्ध कति पाइन्छ त्यो सजिलै अनुमान लगाउन सकिन्छ। हो यसरी नै जान-अन्जानमै हामीले हरेक दिन, हरेक पल विभेदलाई समर्थन गरेका हुन्छौं। जातीय विभेदका आधारहरूलाई झन् मजबुत बनाइराखेका हुन्छौं।

म त यो समाजको एक नगन्य प्रतिनिधि हुँ। विभेदका विरुद्ध लड्दै गर्दा विभेदकै समर्थनमा प्रस्तुत भएका मेरा भावहरुप्रति म स्वयं लज्जित छु। तर दशकौँ जातीय विभेदका विरुद्ध लड्यौँ, युगान्तकारी परिवर्तन ल्यायौँ भन्नेले संसदमा जातीय विभेदलाई मलजल गरेको देख्दा मेरो मन भने कुँडिन्छ।

संसद भवनमै पश्चिम रुकुममा भएको हत्यालाई झडपको संज्ञा दिँदै घटनालाई सामसुम पार्न त्यही ठाउँबाट निर्वाचित केन्द्रीय सांसद लाग्नु राष्ट्रिय लज्जाको विषय हो। जाजरकोटका दलितहरुको बाँच्न पाउने अधिकारमाथि कुठाराघात हुँदा सांसद जनार्दन शर्माले संसद भवनमा आफ्नो बोल्न पाउने अधिकार हनन् भएको कुरा दोहोर्‍याइरहे। त्यहाँका जनताको आवाज बोल्न पाउनुपर्छ भन्दै उनले कथित उच्च जातिकै पक्षपोषण यसरी गरिराखे कि मानौं उनले दलितलाई आफ्ना जनता मान्दै मान्दैनन्। उनको यो अज्ञानतामै छचल्किएको जातीय विभेदलाई समर्थन गर्ने भाव हो।

उनै जनार्दन शर्मा कुनै दिन दलित समुदायका अगाडि गएर लाजै नमानी आफू दलितको सच्चा प्रतिनिधि भएको दाबी गर्नेछन्। उनको यही  ढोङ्गी विद्रोह र अस्लिल अभिनयलाई विश्वास गरिरहँदा फेरि कुनै नदीले अर्काथरी सपनाहरु बगाइसकेको हुनेछ।

म र जनार्दन शर्मा यस समाजका प्रतिनिधि पात्र मात्र हौं। हामी सबै जानेरै वा नजानेरै जातीय विभेदको समर्थन गरिराखेका हुन्छौं र कतिपयलाई त्यसको सुइँकोसम्म थाहा हुँदैन। के तपाईंलाई आफू साँच्चिकै विभेदको विरुद्धमा छु जस्तो लाग्छ? यदि लाग्छ भने के तपाईंले गाउँघरमा आफूभन्दा अग्रज दलितहरुलाई होस वा मधेसीहरुलाई कहिल्यै तिमी भनेर सम्बोधन गर्नु भएको छैन? उनीहरुको घरमा गएर खाएको कुरालाई प्रमाणका रुपमा प्रस्तुत गर्ने तपाईंले कहिल्यै कुनै दलितलाई खाना खुवाउन आफ्नो भान्सासम्म ल्याउनु भएको छ? कुनै औधी मन मिलेको केटा/केटी दलित भएकै कारण बिहे गर्नबाट पछि हट्दैन भन्ने तागत छ तपाईंमा?

यी र यस्तै प्रश्नहरु आफैंलाई हजार पटक सोध्नुस् अनि उजागर हुन्छ तपाईंको असली चरित्र। कति ढोङ्गी छौं है हामी? यदि आफ्नो ढोङ्गको तपाइँलाई जानकारी भएमा आत्मालोचना जरुर गर्नुहोला। किनकी तपाईंकै आत्मालोचनाबाट परिवर्तनको सुरुवात हुनेछ।

संविधानमा लेखिँदालेखिँदै र अनेक कानुन बन्दाबन्दै पनि समाजमा चल्दै आएको जातीय विभेदमा कुनै कमी आउन सकेको छैन। किनकि कानुनका ती बुँदाहरु हाम्रा पारदर्शी चरित्रलाई छोप्न बनाइका फगत रङ्गिन बुट्टाहरु हुन् ताकी हाम्रो असलियत अरुलाई सजिलै थाहा नहोस। जब हाम्रो नियत नै जातीय विभेद कायम होस भन्ने  छ भने कानुनका निर्जीव बुँदाहरु लाचार हुन त्यसै विवश छ्न्।

म पहिलेदेखि नै जातीय विभेदको विरुद्धमा थिएँ भन्ने दाबी गर्ने नैतिकता मैले गुमाइसकेको छु। लास ठानेर दफन गरिसकेका विभेद समर्थित मेरा सोच पिचास बनेर हरेक दिन मलाई नङ्याइरहेछन् भन्ने भेद बल्ल खुलेको छ। बाँकी जीवन म आफ्ना लवजमा छचल्किने विभेद समर्थित भावहरुलाई निस्तेज पार्न प्रयासरत रहने छु।

मलाई थाहा छ यो काम कठिन छ, किनकी बाल्यकाल मै मेरो मस्तिष्कमा रोपिएको विभेदको बीउ अहिले सम्पूर्ण सोचमाथि बनमाराझैं फैलिएको छ। तर हाल कम्तीमा हार मानिहाल्ने अवस्थामा म छैन। म एउटा दृण प्रण पनि गर्छु कि मेरा आउने सन्ततिको सोचमा विभेदको यो बीउ रोप्ने छैन। आउनुस् जातीय विभेदको अन्त्यका लागि सबैले आफ्नो द्वैध चरित्र,अस्लिल अभिनय र ढोङ्गी विद्रोही बिम्बको विरुद्ध आत्मालोचना गरौँ।

[ Published on Nepal Live :- https://nepallive.com/story/219115 ]